The 2024 presidential election is over, and late-night hosts are here to sort through the aftermath. After former President Donald Trump defeated Vice President Kamala Harris to become the 47th president of the United States, the comedians tried to comfort viewers on their shows Wednesday night while sharing disappointment in the Republican nominee's victory. They also stressed their commitment to continuing to provide laughter during what they characterized as a bleak time for America.
Jimmy Kimmel, who has frequently traded barbs with Trump on social media, opened his show with a sketch where he is seen frantically packing in his office.
"I'm leaving the country," he announces. "I can't stay for another four years of this. Who knows what he's going to do? … He said he has a list of enemies. You think I'm not on that list?"
After his sidekick, Guillermo Rodriguez, convinced him to stay in the segment (before declaring he's leaving to go "back to Mexico"), Kimmel began his monologue by joking about the fact that Trump won the election after falsely claiming he lost in 2020 due to widespread voter fraud.
"I guess this election wasn't rigged," he said. "That's weird though, right? I mean, he said it would be rigged. He said it was being rigged while people were in line voting! Isn't it remarkable that this time, the fix wasn't in? Last time, the Democrats cheated. This time, we chose not to, I guess."
"It was a terrible night for women, for children, for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go, for health care, for our climate, for science, for journalism, for justice, for free speech," he said. "It was a terrible night for poor people, for the middle class, for seniors who rely on Social Security, for our allies in Ukraine, for NATO, for the truth and democracy and decency."
"It was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him, and guess what? It was a bad night for everyone who voted for him, too. You just don't realize it yet."
But Kimmel took comfort in the fact that "we've been through this once before" during Trump's first term. "And yes, this time it is probably going to be worse, maybe a lot worse. But I also think that maybe we will look back and realize that, in the long run, this is what we needed to wake us up. Maybe the people who care so much about him need to find out how little he cares about them."
He also joked about the idea that Trump will imprison him and his fellow late-night hosts after taking office. "My only request to President-elect Trump is that he let me share a prison cell with Taylor Swift."
Over on CBS, Stephen Colbert opened "The Late Show" with a serious message delivered to the camera from behind his desk. "If you watch this show regularly, I'm guessing you're not doing great," the comic said before explaining he's grateful to be hosting the show because "at times like this, what do we most want to be? Not alone."
In his monologue, Colbert said the "deep shock and sense of loss is enormous" after Trump's win and concluded the president-elect's supporters "don't care that much about democracy."
"Who knows what the next four years are going to be like?" he said. "What we do know is that we are going to be governed by a monstrous child surrounded by cowards and grifters, and my brain keeps pumping out an unlimited supply of ramifications. It's really hard to see a bright side here."
"This is rough," he went on to say. "Last time Trump won, it felt like a grotesque fluke. This time, America knew exactly what they were getting, and they went hard for him anyway."
Like Kimmel, the "Late Show" host did find a bright side: the fact that "we know what's coming" in a second Trump term because he has already been president.
"It's like the first time you attend your child's spring concert, no one could possibly prepare you for 25 second graders playing the recorder," he joked. "But your next kid, you're ready. You packed earplugs. No amount of 'Frère Jacques' could break you."
Colbert concluded by jokingly asking, "Can we just tell Jimmy Carter that she won?" The 39th president voted for Harris at age 100 after telling his family he wanted to live long enough to do so.
"And then can Jimmy Carter tell me that she won?" he added.
Seth Meyers kicked off "Late Night" by sarcastically acting like the fact that he voted for Harris would be a surprising revelation.
"I don't think Donald Trump's a good person," he said. "I'd even go so far as to say he's a bad person. Now, in my defense, I'm only basing that on everything I've ever been taught about what makes someone good or bad."
"But this is something I accept: Half the country thinks he's a good person, or they don't care that he's not because they think he's a good president," he continued. "And because of that, he's going to be our president again. That's how democracy works in America, a country that is a privilege to live in, even on a morning like today."
During a "Closer Look" segment, Meyers described Trump's first term as a "nightmare that plunged the nation into nonstop disaster and caused mass suffering for millions of Americans" and cracked that to get through his second term, "they're going to have to give me whatever drugs they're giving Trump."
"We're about to step over the precipice into truly uncharted territory," he added. "You need only look back to Trump's first term to get a sense of how dangerous his second term will be, and no one can say they didn't know what they were getting, because Trump made it crystal clear. All I do know is that the fight for justice doesn't end with one election."
On "The Tonight Show," Jimmy Fallon proclaimed that by re-electing Trump, "America decided to get back with a crazy ex" and quipped, "No matter who you voted for, I think all Americans can agree, it's going to be a rough Thanksgiving."
"It was a big night for Donald Trump and a bigger night for Don Julio," he said, referencing the tequila brand. "51% of the country is really happy, 47% are really hungover, and (Rudy Giuliani) is both."
Kimmel, Colbert and Fallon all referenced the fact that Google searches for "did Joe Biden drop out" spiked on Election Day — and all three had the same punchline. "Most of those searches were from Joe Biden," said Fallon.
Making time for some entertainment news, the "Tonight Show" host noted that Netflix on Wednesday confirmed the final season of "Stranger Things" will arrive in 2025, a story the comedian quickly turned back to the election. "After last night," he said, "how much stranger can things really get?"
