There is a rich history in television of stranding a celebrity somewhere hot and unpleasant and inviting us at home to reach for the popcorn. The fun usually lies in the C-lister’s struggles to find food and build a shelter while waylaid by creepy crawlies. The famous live such a gilded existence – what a hoot to watch them slowly unravel for our entertainment.

But in the case of former ITV presenter Phillip Schofield – star of the latest season of Cast Away on the UK’s Channel 5 – the unravelling has already taken place off-screen. The one-time host of This Morning (the UK’s Ireland AM) was, in his own words, “cancelled” in 2023 after confessing to a relationship with a colleague 30 years his junior.

While Schofield admitted the affair was “unwise”, he blamed homophobia for the backlash (“if it was male-female, then it wouldn’t be such a scandal”, he said). Eighteen months later, he’s back on his screens, but rather than finding peace, he’s still stewing about his unfair treatment (as he sees it). “I’ve just been sad,” he says. “I want to see if the ultimate isolation can set me free.”

Cast Away is a more extreme I’m A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here. Schofield has signed up for 10 days on an island off Madagascar in the Indian Ocean. During that period, it’s just him and some remote cameras – which means he has to adjust to the utter isolation (on the other hand, he doesn’t have to pretend to find Ant and Dec funny – the recurring ordeal inflicted on I’m A Celeb contestants).

The problem, however, is that nobody cares about Schofield’s battle of wills against the wilderness. Building a shelter, chasing a crab, looking for some fish – these are distractions. What viewers want is to hear him unload against ITV and discuss his relationship with Holly Willoughby, his on-screen best mate on This Morning until she distanced herself from him.

Alas, he never goes in all pistols blazing. With an eye on ratings, there is a sense that Channel 5 is holding back the red meat until future episodes. He doesn’t reference Willoughby by name in part one – although there are a few covert digs.

“I miss parts of it. I miss most of it,” he says of his TV career. “There are bits I really, really don’t miss. You learn a lot about people. You learn a LOT about people. I don’t miss that. ”

Schofield obviously feels betrayed. Viewers will have their own opinions as to whether he deserves sympathy. However, over 45 minutes, Schofield’s self-absorption is exhausting and makes for wearying entertainment.

His family – who also have a behind-the-scenes role in steering his career – are wheeled out and speak supportively.

“I really hope people see him how we see him,” says eldest daughter Molly. “He is just amazing.”

Amazing he may be, but that doesn’t come across in part one. Instead, Schofield appears to have a chronic case of main character syndrome – it is all about him and his career rather than the impact of his actions on those around him.

He isn’t the first person to see their life’s work taken away in a finger-tap – he certainly isn’t the first to be cancelled. But rather than finding peace in the great emptiness of a desert island, he continues to stew with resentment. He may feel entirely justified in that response. Nevertheless, his journey from disgraced celeb to angry bore makes for less than stellar entertainment.

Phillip Schofield's 'Cast Away' – An Exercise in Self-Absorption?

It’s hard to remember a show as salivatingly anticipated by certain quarters as Cast Away. Thanks to a careful drip-feed of details in the press, the show has promised nothing less than poor old cancelled, curdled Phillip Schofield going full Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? on a desert island.

Believe the hype and you’d think that the show, a three-part special in which Schofield has to film himself marooned on a remote island for 10 days, was going to be nothing but Schofield naming names and burning everything down because he has nothing else to lose. But while that may still come to pass – twice the show’s sizzle reel shows Schofield wild-eyed and unshaven, declaring himself to be ‘thrown under a bus’ – in truth the opening episode feels like two completely different shows in one.

As you may recall, the last we saw of Schofield was in the aftermath of his departure from This Morning, for conducting an extramarital affair with a runner working on the programme. Schofield lost his job, This Morning almost went down with him, and ITV faced a parliamentary inquiry about its duty of care to staff. In a clutch of interviews in the immediate aftermath of the scandal, Schofield looked absolutely hunted. That was one year and three months ago.

And now here he is, forging what will either be the first seeds of a television comeback or the incontrovertible death knell of his career. Honestly, at this point it’s hard to tell which way it’s going to go.

Because, whatever you think of the man, you do have to grudgingly admit that the parts where he carries out the actual premise of the show – on an island, sunburned to hell, trying to Go-Pro himself boiling limpets for sustenance – are pretty entertaining. Decades on the telly have taught Schofield how to effectively communicate whatever he happens to be doing. As such, the parts where he’s actually fending for himself, whether that’s by seeking out water or chasing crabs through the forest, work tremendously well. He’s frank and funny and self-effacing about his lack of survival instinct. During these sequences, it’s almost like nothing ever happened.

However (and this is a big however), the man absolutely cannot help himself. It’s one thing to fend for yourself in the middle of nowhere, quite another to do it without acting like the most bitter man ever to walk the Earth. And make no mistake, Schofield is an incredibly bitter man. Before he even leaves his house, he’s comparing Cast Away to I’m a Celebrity, darkly muttering that he would never appear on that show because “there are just some channels, some people you won’t work for.”

Even his farewell meal with his family coagulates into something nasty, as he mockingly asks his daughter “Are you OK?” with the same faux-concern Holly Willoughby addressed the This Morning viewership after the scandal. He also repeatedly mentions that some people will wish he stayed on the island for ever, or even died there, such is the colossal scale of his self-aggrandising victimhood.

Admittedly, a lot of this is down to the way the episodes have been constructed. The bulk of Schofield’s whining comes during a pre-interview which has been chopped up and spread throughout the hour, to give a sense that he’s permanently preoccupied with the state of his career.

But even on the island, where he seems happier to just get on with the task at hand, he’s not immune to moments of ugly self-mythologising. One video diary entry is taken up with him tearfully recollecting the time a big tattooed man gave him a hug while reassuring him that “They’re all shits, mate.” Moments like this genuinely make you worry that Schofield might actually see himself as a folk hero, rather than a bloke who got sacked for having an inappropriate workplace relationship.

He also falls prey to the classic curse of the cancelled. “If you’re cancelled, you’re dead,” he mutters, which would be a decent sentiment if – all together now – he wasn’t literally saying this during a primetime broadcast on a terrestrial British television channel. Just the smallest trace of self-awareness at his situation would go a long way.

Schofield's Castaway: A Self-Inflicted Wound?

The effect of all this is the lingering sensation that Phillip Schofield has become his own worst enemy. When the show is about literal survival, it borders on great. But when the show just acts as an opportunity for Schofield to self-indulgently lick his wounds about the state of his career – and it is that, a lot – then you lose all respect for the guy.

Once again, it’s worth pointing out that Channel 5 wants you to believe that the really meaty stuff – all the Col Kurtz moments where Schofield torches his legacy to the ground – are in the two episodes yet to come. But, honestly, who has time? Sadly, the truth is that most people care a lot less about Phillip Schofield’s career than Phillip Schofield would like.

The Verdict

While the initial episode of 'Cast Away' might have been underwhelming, Schofield's self-reflection and the show's promise of future drama have left audiences wanting more. Will Schofield find redemption in the wilderness, or will the show further damage his already tarnished reputation? Only time will tell.