As Pete Wicks makes his debut on Strictly Come Dancing’s launch show tonight he will be cheered on by his mum Tracy, his hero and the “strongest woman” he knows. The bond the mother and son share is an extra special one because Pete saved his mum’s life aged just 12.
The former Towie star has opened up about how he found Tracy in their kitchen after she attempted suicide. In his new memoir, Pete tells how, terrified, he phoned his nan Doreen for help and then called an ambulance before trying to stem the flow of blood and keep his mum alive.
Reliving the night, the star, 36, said: “I saw her sitting at the table, which had been covered in blood. I saw the blood dripping first. She was holding a knife in her other hand. Immediately, I ran over to her to take the knife from her hand. Before that, she had seemed almost possessed – it was like my mum had gone and someone (or something) else had taken over her body.”
“But when I came over to her, it’s like she woke up. She looked up at me with eyes full of tears. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,’ she kept repeating. I told her it was okay as I panicked trying to work out what to do. I called Nan. I could barely get the words out to describe what had happened. I think I basically just said, ‘Mum... knife... blood.’”
Nan Doreen calmly told 12-year-old Pete to hang up and ring 999. Pete went on: “I took her instructions, calling the ambulance, and then I got to work trying to look after Mum, who by that point was sitting on the floor and bleeding very badly. I grabbed towels to try to stop the bleeding. I poured the wine down the sink. It’s hard to pinpoint how I felt in that moment, because I think it was just pure shock. I didn’t cry – I just went into crisis mode.”
In his book, Never Enough, Pete says the aftermath of the trauma had a huge effect on his life, as he became protective of Tracy. She raised him as a single mum with Doreen in Harlow, Essex, after she split from Pete’s dad when Pete was 11. But also he blamed himself.
He says: “I didn’t say it, but I believed it was my fault. I had been with Mum before it happened. I had agreed to go upstairs. I had stayed upstairs even though I could hear her wailing. If it was anyone’s fault, it was mine. Looking back, I know that my responsibility was probably overwhelming in that moment. I was the child, and I needed to be looked after. Instead, I had to look after my parent and suppress all the fear, panic, loneliness and self-blame that was beginning to grow inside me.”
Luckily, Tracy made a fast recovery and was quickly out of hospital. She apologised to her son and said it was a “moment of madness” that would never happen again.
Pete bottled up his feelings. He says: “I think I was worried that, if we communicated in any more detail, all the feelings I was trying to suppress would spill out of me. One of those feelings was anger. I was angry at her for doing it. She kept telling me she loved me and she was sorry, but I thought: how could you love me, if you would’ve f**king left me? I thought I wasn’t enough for her to stay.”
In more recent years, the pair have been able to talk about the past. Pete says: “It’s only in the last few years that I’ve processed a lot of what has happened and I’ve had some really open conversations with her. I have come to understand that she never wanted to leave me – she wanted to leave herself. It wasn’t because she didn’t love me enough. It’s because the struggle and the pain was so real that she wasn’t able to think outside of that. I don’t blame my mum for any of it. I just wish I could take all that pain away.”
The star sought his mum’s approval to speak about what happened in his book because he wanted to shine a light on mental health issues. And he says Tracy – who urged Pete to go on Strictly – now has “so much determination to make life better for herself”.
He adds: “You just have to hold on. My mum is living proof of that. Despite the fear I felt on that rainy, drunken night, I trust her more than I ever have.”
If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email [email protected] or visit their site to find your local branch.
