I’m not sure I knew of anyone, Borderlands fan or not, who believed that the movie adaptation of the game was going to be good, based on everything from casting to trailers. Now as reviews come in ahead of its release tomorrow, those fears have been validated. And then some.

As I write this, the Borderlands movie has a flat 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. No positive reviews whatsoever (Update: A single positive review has come in raising it to a 4%), and the ones that are in are not just negative, but brutal. Here’s a sampling:

It’s true there are not many reviews in yet (Update: now 23, up from 10, still 0%), and the score may tick up, but everything I’ve seen outside of some video game influencers who attended premieres (or are literally extras in the movie) has been relentlessly negative, and I would be surprised to find more than a handful of positive reviews come in when all is said and done. If any.

After The Last Of Us and Fallout, you’d be forgiven for thinking that we are finally enjoying an era of quality video-game adaptations, and that Borderlands, based on the wacky 2009 sci-fi shooter RPG, is riding the same wave. Hell, it’s even got Cate Blanchett (an actor who’s earned those italics twice over) in the lead role, having a bullet-spraying hoot as a grizzled yet elegant bounty hunter. And with its colourful assortment of irreverent characters, corralled by a writer/director best known previously for horror (namely, Eli Roth), you might also expect, or at least hope, it respectfully and effectively echoes James Gunn’s crossover success with his Guardians Of The Galaxy films.

Sadly, that ain’t the case. Borderlands so wants to be Guardians Of The Galaxy. It has retro needle drops aplenty (including a battle that kicks off to Motörhead’s ‘Ace Of Spades’) and ladles on as much out-there violence as its 12A rating allows (there’s even that bit where they kill a giant, tentacled monster from the inside-out), but it doesn’t come close to capturing the same Guardians space-magic.

Roth and co-writer Joe Crombie have neither Gunn’s wit nor his wisdom. The wisecracks are stale (“I’m programmed for humour, so I will process that as witty banter,” chirps the irksomely sassy robot voiced by Jack Black), the reaches for emotional resonance feel stretched (Blanchett’s Lilith has mommy issues, y’know), and the group dynamic is off balance. Muscle-lunk Krieg (Florian Munteanu) is less a character than a buff bundle of Poundshop one-liners (“IT’S TIME TO BLEED!”), Kevin Hart’s “elite soldier” Roland barely registers (who is he? Why is he here?), and bomb-tossing teen Tiny Tina’s (Ariana Greenblatt) character arc goes no deeper than her sub-meta realisation that she’s not the main character.

It's sloppily assembled, too, smacking of nervy, too-many-cooks post-production. Scenes are routinely cut short (sometimes mid-punchline), with a few others apparently beginning mid-beat, giving the film a grindhouse feel in all the wrong ways. Visually, it falls somewhere between Mad Max: Fury Road and Spacehunter: Adventures In The Forbidden Zone (thudding closer to the latter), with dangerous planet Pandora — yes, another one — rendered in dusty canyons and, with a nod to the film’s video-game roots, subterranean crate-filled rooms. It is literally boxy.

Throughout, Blanchett does her best with what little she’s given, but as great as it is to see her taking the ‘Chris’ role in a big, silly actioner, she was far more enjoyable doing this kind of thing in Thor: Ragnarok. It’s not like Borderlands is so bad it’ll do her any damage. It’s just a shame that her debut as an action-movie lead turned out to be so clunky and, we suspect, forgettable.

Borderlands is a disaster. And while it might not singlehandedly undo the goodwill built up around recent video game adaptations – specifically television’s The Last of Us and Fallout – it’s dragged us back to a time when studios used to make these with all the grace and acuity of a drunk person attempting to place a 3am chicken nugget order.

The first mistake here may have been to even try and adapt Borderlands. Granted, it’s one of the bestselling franchises of all time, and its snarky take on the intergalactic, dystopian western is distinctive and well known in its own right. But it’s also not a series you’ll regularly hear praised for its storytelling – take the controller out of the audience’s hands and put Hostel’s Eli Roth in the director’s chair, and all you can then do is simply bear witness to a series of profoundly unlikeable characters on a journey to achieve something we’ve been given no reason to care about.

It’s a worst-of-all-worlds situation. Lore is delivered with strait-laced, Zack Snyder-esque solemnity, as we’re introduced to the far-future planet of Pandora, an untamed territory where corporations and fortune seekers search out the contents of a hidden vault built by an ancient race known as Eridians. It can only be unlocked by a daughter of Eridia destined to do so. Oh, yes, there’s a prophecy in this one.

When Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), daughter of CEO Atlas (Edgar Ramírez), is kidnapped by former mercenary Roland (Kevin Hart), a bounty hunter named Lilith (Cate Blanchett) is hired to retrieve her from Pandora. In time, a ragtag crew is assembled, complete with the muscle (Florian Munteanu’s Krieg), the brains (Jamie Lee Curtis’s scientist Tannis), and the irritating robot (the Jack Black-voiced Claptrap).

What’s important to know is that these people are quirky – a little like James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy you might say, except, in crucial ways, very much the opposite. Gunn’s team all think they’re cool, but are repeatedly and brutally reminded otherwise, which grants them an underdog likeability.

In Borderlands, all the heroes do is inform each other (and the audience) that they are “insane” and “deranged”. There’s a scene where they all accidentally consume urine, another extended bit where the robot defecates bullets, while the insults don’t ever venture beyond the range of “poopy-mouthed ass faces”. No one in the film, or the film itself, ever acknowledges how deeply uncool all of this is.

It’s a race to the bottom for its actors, each of them wildly miscast, even if Blanchett can somewhat skate by on the pure, salvatory force of her sexual charisma. The film’s sacrilegious treatment of place and character will likely send its fans into a white-hot rage, while it remains simultaneously impenetrable and incomprehensible to the casual viewer. And it all plays out against a background that may as well be a blank green screen. It’s depressingly bare – as if someone put a Mad Max filter on a paintball centre. So, fair warning – if you’re a fan of any of the video games currently in the pipeline for adaptation, Borderlands may strike terror into your heart.

In her chameleonic career, Cate Blanchett has donned many guises – but never before has she had the chance to be a gun-toting, ass-kicking action star. Sadly, Borderlands is an unworthy vehicle for her swaggering performance as the reluctant leader of a ragtag bunch of misfits trying to rescue the daughter of an evil corporate overlord. Based on the popular video game, and freely lifting from Star Wars and Guardians Of The Galaxy, Eli Roth’s sci-fi film boasts plenty of marquee names but little originality in terms of spectacle or laughs.

Borderlands hits UK and US theatres on August 9, and even those unfamiliar with the game series, which started in 2009, may be tempted by an action-comedy that stars Blanchett alongside Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Edgar Ramirez and Jamie Lee Curtis. Hyper-violent — but not bloody, so as to avoid a restrictive rating that would keep teenagers from seeing the film — this energetic, derivative genre offering may struggle in a marketplace dominated by Deadpool & Wolverine and the imminent arrival of Alien: Romulus. And with a hefty price tag reportedly around $100 million, Borderlands may be yet another summer 2024 release that ends up labelled a commercial flop.

As the film begins, the intrepid, hardened bounty hunter Lilith (Blanchett) is approached by Atlas (Ramirez), an evil tech genius who hires her to track down his daughter, Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), who has gone missing. Not wishing to be involved with Atlas but unable to turn down his lucrative terms, Lilith visits the hellish planet of Pandora, which she fled as a girl, in hopes of locating Tiny Tina. But when Lilith does find her, she realises others are also looking for her — including soldier Roland (Hart) — and they are all forced to work together once they discover Atlas has more nefarious reasons for wanting his child returned home.

Roth’s follow-up to last year’s Thanksgiving, whose tight production schedule required him to turn Borderlands’ reshoots over to Deadpool director Tim Miller, includes several of the video game’s memorable characters. (In addition, images from the film directly echo scenes in the game.) And Borderlands clearly draws inspiration from its source material’s reputation as one of the pioneering ‘looter shooter’ games, first-person shooters that allow players to acquire different rewards along the way. In layman’s terms, this means that Roth gives his antiheroes multiple chances to blast everything in sight, the mayhem often scored to fist-pumping hard-rock bands like Motorhead.

Whether it’s the smart-aleck robot sidekick Claptrap (voiced by Black) or the myriad shots of the female characters’ heaving cleavage, Borderlands sports an impish juvenile streak meant to be boyish and escapist. Unfortunately, Roth has never been a particularly inventive filmmaker, and so the picture’s sophomoric sense of humour and infrequently engaging set pieces only reinforce the suspicion that Borderlands is little more than a rehash of previous sci-fi pictures. Whereas James Gunn was skilful at creating lovably dysfunctional de facto families in the Guardians Of The Galaxy franchise and The Suicide Squad, Roth populates his story with dull renegades who are never emotionally absorbing. And despite Daniel Orlandi’s colourful costumes and Rogier Stoffers’ flashy cinematography, the film seldom springs to life. And, as Borderlands features little swearing or graphic violence, this supposedly irreverent, down-and-dirty action flick feels neutered.

Not many in the starry ensemble shine. Vivid character actors like Gina Gershon and Jamie Lee Curtis, who, respectively, play an alluring club owner and a respected scientist, are trapped in stale genre types. Even the potentially intriguing change-of-pace performances — such as Hart in a far more sombre turn than we expect from the explosive comedian — flatline.

What keeps Borderlands mildly involving is Blanchett’s game portrayal of the Han Solo-like Lilith, who professes not to care about anyone before, predictably, having a change of heart over the course of the film. The Oscar-winning actress is saddled with the same achingly ‘hip’ dialogue as the rest of her costars and, in keeping with the picture’s male gaze, Lilith exclusively rocks skin-tight outfits. Nonetheless, Blanchett manages to craft a few winningly cocky moments as this ace gunslinger and world-weary cynic, leaning into her character’s sexy, strutting essence.

In Blanchett’s occasional villain roles, like in Hanna or Thor: Ragnarok, she has demonstrated a flair for flashy, modulated showboating, but Lilith is something different for her: an unalloyed hero that gives the audience a likeable rooting interest. It’s fleetingly amusing to watch Blanchett flex her wit and grace amidst this motley crew of outsiders and reprobates. But Lilith so easily outclasses everything around her that Borderlands is that rare would-be blockbuster where you wish the main character could get her own standalone feature, just so she can escape this meagre adventure.

Eli Roth has never cared what critics think about his films. Despite making films such as Hostel, The Green Inferno and Knock Knock, Borderlands might be his toughest challenge to win over not just critics, but audiences.

Borderlands is based on a successful series of games in which you play as a Vault Hunter who is looking for – you guessed it! – a Vault that usually holds all kinds of treasures. The games are delightfully violent and a lot of fun, so it seems like this is exactly in Roth’s wheelhouse.

Except, Borderlands, which is designed to be the first in a series of films, is aimed at a younger audience. In many ways, this is Roth trying his hand at Guardians Of The Galaxy. The tone is similar and, like Guardians, Borderlands follows a ragtag team of anti-heroes, who are uncovering the secrets of the planet called Pandora, which just happens to also be the home planet of the battle-hardened Lilith (Cate Blanchett).

Besides Lilith, the group also comprises Roland (Kevin Hart), Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt) and her protector Krieg (Florian Munteanu), Dr Patricia Tannis (Jamie Lee Curtis) and the overly enthusiastic robot companion Claptrap (voiced by Jack Black). Like Marvel’s Guardians, the group are all flexible when it comes to bending the law, but highly equipped at fighting bad guys.

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Borderlands the film has little to do with Borderlands the game franchise. It takes the characters as well as some of the style and lore from the games, but fans are unlikely to find the film satisfactory. It’s not entirely clear why Lionsgate and Roth have decided to turn such a violent, gory franchise into family-friendly entertainment, but they have and that’s what we have here.

If you can’t get past that, then that’s completely valid and understandable. The games have a specific look and the film isn’t really even trying to achieve what the games do, which will prove disappointing for many. However, if you are able to look past that, Borderlands is at least serviceable.

First of all, the film is only 102 minutes long, which is a win in my book. Not because I was dying for the film to end, but because Roth isn’t an indulgent filmmaker. He likes to splash out on the gore, but he’s also economical and able to tell a story without stretching it to its limits. Borderlands moves at a steady pace and I was never bored.

Secondly, Borderlands is a lot of fun. It’s disposable fun, for sure, but it never talks down to you and it knows exactly what kind of a film it is. Some scenes are tinged with Roth’s horror experience and Rogier Stoffers’ cinematography milks the various locations for dynamism. The CGI and green screen work is questionable at times, but for the most part, Borderlands is colourful and vibrant with its visuals, with some really impressive shots towards the end.

The film is helped enormously by the talented cast. Blanchett leads the group with charisma and it’s fun to see the Oscar-winning actress let so loose and have so much fun. However, Ariana Greenblatt is the true standout in the film. Her performance is both wild and considered and the young actress hides a lot of emotion under the character’s explosive surface. Mileage will certainly vary on Jack Black’s voice work as Claptrap. You’ll either love it or hate it – there won’t be an in-between.

Borderlands probably won’t be remembered as a great videogame adaptation, but there’s a lot of fun to be had with it. There’s real effort here to craft a story with resonating themes rather than just parade the best of the games on the big screen. Roth is far more comfortable directing hardcore horror, but Borderlands is a neat little detour for the director.